Christian Rules for Handling Bullies

I was bullied when I was in high school. I was not physically beaten up but I was mistreated quite a bit which did bring me quite a bit of emotional grief and tears. I am quick to admit that some of the mistreatment that I got was self-inflicted (I was a little bit of a “know-it-all” stinker), but for the most part, I did not deserve the way that I was treated (neither do 99.99999999999% of people that are bullied). That is why I sympathize with people who struggle with being bullied. Although I sympathize, I do not agree with a lot of the methods being taught today about handling bullies. To me, it seems as if this generation is not being taught how to handle bullies, but that they have the right to not be around bullies. There is a problem with that thinking and let me give you an illustration: When I was a teen there was one person, above all others, that was really cruel to me (let’s call him Bill). One day I was so fed up that I told my dad about how upset I was that Bill was picking on me. Dad told me this piece of truth “Curt, there is going to be a “Bill” everywhere you go for the rest of your life.” Do you know what? He was right! I went off to Bible college and there was a guy just like Bill, I went to work at Panera Bread and at each store I ended up working at I worked with a Bill, even now that I am in the ministry I have to deal with “Bills” every Sunday. The point I am trying to make is this: No matter how far you run, there will always be a bully. That does not make it right, it does not make it fair; but it does mean that we need to learn how to handle them instead of running away from them. Fortunately, Jesus does not leave us without answers when it comes to dealing with bullies. Here are some rules to abide by if you are a Christian.

Be kind

Ephesians 4:32, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

I feel like I mention kindness almost every blog post that I write. The reason for that is because of the fact that as Christians WE OUGHT TO BE KIND. Let me ask you, does a bully deserve your kindness? Absolutely not! To be honest, it can be hard enough to be kind to your friends, let alone your enemies. But there are a few reasons why this is a good practice. First, it will burn the bully with conviction (Romans 12:20, “Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.) Second, you will be blameless and on the high ground. And third, and most important, it is what Jesus did for you. Let me elaborate on this one, you were the enemy of God (Romans 5:10) before you were saved. You did not deserve a single good thing from God, all you deserved was eternity in Hell, but Jesus came and died on a cross for your sins as undeserving as you are. That is called grace. That same grace that Jesus gave to us, we ought to give to other people as well. Does that bully deserve your kindness? No! Give it to him anyway. Aren’t you glad that Jesus didn’t just save those who “deserved” to be saved! Let’s be like Jesus and show grace to everyone.

Be prayerful

Matthew 5:44, “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;”

I heard a sermon when I was a teen, it was about loving your enemies. The preacher said something that stuck to my mind, he said, “It is impossible to not love someone that you pray for every day.” I heard what he said, I thought about the bullies in my life, and I took him to task on that statement. I singled out the top 5 people who were particularly cruel to me and every night before I went to bed I would pray for them, calling them the Fantastic Five (I was, and still am, a nerd). I didn’t pray anything dumb like, “I pray they will have a ton of bricks fall on them”, instead I prayed three things, first, that God would give them a good day the next day, and second, that I would be granted the opportunity to show at least one of them kindness. And third, that God would help me to love them. Do you know what happened? They never changed. Those five kept being bullies, they never stopped mistreating me. But there was a change inside of me. I can honestly say that I love those 5 now and if I were to see any one of them today I would have nothing but kind things to say to them. God put a piece in my heart that could only be gotten by praying for my enemies. If you have a bully who is ruining your life, pray for them.

Choose to be happy

Acts 16:25, “And at midnight Paul and Silas prayed, and sang praises unto God: and the prisoners heard them.”

Paul and Silas were in a difficult situation, they were in prison. They had been beaten and now their feet were in stocks, rodents and vermin were likely crawling all over them. In the middle of this awful circumstance, Paul and Silas praised God. Their actions show us that happiness is not based on circumstances. By the way, even if it was based on circumstances you should still be happy, here are your circumstances: you are on your way to Heaven instead of Hell, you are no longer seen by God as a sinner but a saint, you are a child of God rather then a child of sin. Be happy. No matter what life throughs your way, be happy. In fact, God does not say to just be happy in convenient times, but to “rejoice in the Lord ALWAY” (Philippians 4:4). What does being happy have to do with bullies? The reason that bullies will bully people you is because they do not want you to be happy, they want to see you miserable. I’ve had to learn this the tough way, the bully is happy when you cry, the bully is giddy and feels like he has won when you lash out in anger, but the bully has lost when you do not let him get to you and you keep that smile on your face. In high school, I would get weepy and sad over people that were unkind to me, but now I have learned that in order to win against a bully you need to smile in their face, say hello to them whenever you see them with a little bit of a spring in your voice as if nothing they do or say can get you down. Everyone, even a bully, ought to see that you have the joy of Jesus in your heart.

By the way, bullies are often miserable themselves, that is why they are a bully (miserable people make more miserable people and then they are happy!) maybe you can help the bully by spreading that joy a little: invite them to church, witness to them, again, be kind. Show them the reason why you are happy.

I want to send out a disclaimer before this post is finished: I am not trying to victim shame. I know what being a victim of bullying is like, it is not fun. I wish that no one would have to go through bullying. I am not trying to victim shame, instead, I am trying to keep you from being a victim. I would rather be a victor than be a victim, and I believe that when it comes to bullies we can be victors. I believe that when we follow these truths found in the Word of God we can be victorious over bullies.

Check out more of my writing at Getting My Attitude Adjusted and Sermons from the Book of Haggai

Lessons My Dad Taught Me- Quality Time

Ever since I was a little boy, my dad made it a point to spend time with me. When I was in elementary school, sometimes my dad would pull me out of school early and we would go see an Orioles baseball game. My dad would buy me a cup of Dip ’N Dots and we would sit and talk while watching the game. I remember my dad taking me every year to the Ravens training camp, and getting autographs from players and getting to talk with Tony Banks and The Goose. Once I got into the 5th grade or so, dad would wake me up early a few times a week and we would jog in the woods. Once I got older and my tastes began to change, dad would take me to McDonalds every Monday morning and we would spend time with each other and talk. Several times we would drive a few to hear a preacher out of town, and when the winter came my dad would drive me every single week to go snowboarding. My dad invested a whole lot of time in me. I remember that most of those drives to and from snowboarding I would talk to my dad about a subject that I was passionate about- please don’t laugh- the life of Walt Disney. I don’t want to brag, but I have read over a dozen biographies of Walt Disney, his life fascinates me, it did even when I was a teenager. I would talk for hours about Walt Disney to my dad. Do you something I realized not to long ago? My dad did not care even an ounce about what I was talking about! Seriously, who really wants to know how Dumbo did in the box office or why the Disney Studio riot happened? But as a teen, I did not know that. My dad engaged with me about something that he cared little to nothing about. Why is that? He was trying to invest time in me.

I love my parents. They mean the world to me. The hardest thing about living in Georgia is that I don’t get to see them nearly as much as I used to. I believe that a large part of the reason that I feel love by my parents and why I love them in return is because of time spent. My dad made it very clear in his actions that his job was important, but his family was more important. Yes, sometimes he had to take a phone call while we were spending time together and sometimes he did have to go on an emergency hospital visit, but I never had a doubt in my mind that he would rather be spending time with me than doing that.

Who do you love? We all love at least one person in our lives. Is it your parents? your spouse? your child? co-worker? The list goes on and on. Do you know how to express that love in a genuine way? Give them your time. Time is the most valuable asset that we have, therefore the things that we spend time on are ultimately the things that we truly care about. As a pastor, I love my congregation. I need to be diligent to give them my time, in writing them letters, in listening to them if they need to talk to me, in prayer, and in other areas. You see, it takes more than telling someone that you love them, it takes actions. Talk is cheap, actions are valuable.

I have never doubted the love that my parents have for me. Not many grown children are able to say that. A lot of children feel like they took second place to work, or maybe even third, fourth, or fifth place. But since my parents spend their time on me, I know they love me and I love them in return. Quality time is important.

Don’t forget to check out Calvary Baptist Church

This is the last of the Lessons My Dad Taught Me Series. To read the others again, here is No Complainin’ About Nothin’, The Importance of Soulwinning, and Never Argue With Anyone About Anything Ever.

Stay tuned for a new series coming next week: Lessons My Mom Taught Me!

Lessons My Dad Taught Me- Never Argue With Anyone About Anything Ever

College was a huge step in my life, as it is with every college student. It was particularly hard on me and my family because the college I had chosen to was in California, (West Coast Baptist College) while my family lived in Maryland. I was far from home. This was not my first time being far from home, I had spent summers serving at the Bill Rice Ranch, but this was the first truly long time. My family flew out with me to get me all set up and ready. We made the most of those last days we had together. I will never forget my father pulling me aside and giving me a word of advice. This was one of the last things he advised me on before they left, and it will stick with me until the day I die. He said to me, “Curt, never get into an argument with anybody.” He then explained to me that preacher boys are notorious for enjoying an argument over theology, or personal standards, or other things (He was right) and that doing so is an unwise and not a spirit-filled thing to do.

It did not take me very long for me to realize that he was very right about what he told me. In my time at college, I heard preacher boys argue in dorm rooms, I saw them argue on Facebook, and I overheard them argue while out soul winning. By the way, this is not a reflection on my alma mater, this is a reflection on human nature. It seemed as if everywhere I turned people were arguing. I will not say some of the ridiculous things that were being argued about, because some who read this may have been the people who were arguing!

Before you roll your eyes and say, “Well, doesn’t Pastor King think he is so perfect!” I have to admit, sometimes I did not follow my dad’s advice. Sometimes I got sucked into arguing. I remember one time in particular, there was a guy who told me that the preaching at church was not really as important as we made it out to be. Now, maybe he just said that to grind my gears, because it did! I got angry and I began to argue.

Looking back though, I realize just how foolish it was. How much time was wasted by guys sitting around and arguing all afternoon? Sometimes when we would get back from visitation on Saturday’s, guys would come into the dorm with a big grin on their face. People would ask, “Did you see anyone get saved today?” And they would reply, “No! But we got to argue with some Mormons, and boy did we let them have it!” Do you know what happened? These guys would spend an hour arguing theology with Mormon missionaries. I am not saying that Mormons can’t be saved, but I am saying that arguing with one isn’t going to do it! These guys would waste all of that time on this group of Mormons while the entire time they could have been knocking on more doors, inviting people to church and spreading the Gospel. When they decided to argue instead, nobody won. They didn’t win, the Mormons didn’t win, certainly God didn’t win. Oh wait, there is someone who did win…the Devil.

And that is the whole point. Arguing is nothing but a waste of time. All it does is it swells the ego of the person who “won the argument”, and it keeps us from doing what we are supposed to be doing.

You might want to argue with me and say, “But how will we show people that they are wrong?” When you decide to argue with someone, they don’t care what you have to say. If you want to help change someone for the better try to love them to where they need to be. Many of you have heard the famous phrase, “It is easier to catch flies with honey than vinegar”. Although that is technically not true (flies are definitely more attracted to vinegar) the lesson remains the same. You are not going to help people change or grow by arguing or belittling what they believe or do, you win them by loving them.

I still cannot get over how much time I wasted that I could have used to serve the Lord in an effective way. If only I had heeded that lesson that my dad taught me much sooner. Arguing is a waste of time, never argue with anyone about anything.

God is doing great things at Calvary Baptist Church in Hartwell, GA! Check us out!

My dad is the pastor of Emmanuel Baptist Temple. Give it a look!

Check out the other Lessons My Dad Taught Me: No Complainin' About Nothin' and The Importance of Soul winning

Lessons My Dad Taught Me- The Importance of Soul Winning

Another recent article on soul winning was written by my good friend, Kreig Durham. Read it here at Cutting the Great Commission Short.

I would like to share what may possibly thing the biggest thing that my father taught me that has shaped who I am today. If my father had never taught me this, I do not believe that I would be in the ministry today. That is the area of soul winning. Can you look back on your life and identify one particular moment that shaped the rest of your life? I sure can. I forget what grade I was in, I believe it was around the third grade, but I can take you to the exact spot where this happened and all the events surrounding it. This moment was the time that my dad showed me how to be a soul winner. You might think that a third grader is too young to be a soul winner, but I cannot disagree with you more. I remember exactly how it happened. My dad and me were sitting in the front pew of the church we were at. It was not a Sunday or Wednesday night, I think it was after school one day. My dad gave me a brown Gideon Bible and took me through the Romans Road, underlining verses and then writing notes to show me which verse to go to next. That moment motivated me to be a soul winner. I asked my junior church teacher if I could go through the salvation plan with any kid that needed to get saved, I witnessed to my classmates, in fact, I got to win one girl to the Lord, I would stand outside the auditorium when church was over, asking people if they were saved. I was excited about sharing the Gospel because my dad showed me how much of a priority it was by showing me how to do it. It was around the 5th grade when my dad asked me if I wanted to go soul winning with the teens on Wednesday night. I agreed to do so, and every Wednesday night after that I would go out soul winning with a group of teen guys. Typically 5th graders are not invited to go out soul winning with teens, but my dad was trying to show me that soul winning is important.

I am still pretty young, in life and in the ministry, but I have had the opportunity to see many churches and their operations. I do not think I am overstepping my bounds when I say that I can see the spiritual climate of fundamental Baptists. I have noticed that there are two areas that are vastly being ignored among many of our Christians, they are the areas of personal Bible study and personal soul winning. Many Christians do not know how to be an effective soul winner, but that isn’t the main problem; the main problem is that many Christians don’t feel like they need to know how to be an effective soul winner. I think what fuels this problem is the fact that being a soul winner requires you to not just play the part of being a Christian on Sunday morning during church, but it requires you to be a Christian ALL THE TIME. That is a commitment that some are just not willing to make. Why aren’t they? Because they do not see the importance in soul winning.

Jesus saw the importance of soul winning. What does he say to his disciples in Matthew 9:37, “the harvest truly is plenteous, but the labourers are few.” Jesus is telling his disciples that they need to get out into the harvest field. There are souls that need to be saved, and we are the ones that can go out there and make a difference for the Lord.

We, as Christians, rally behind great causes. I ate at Chick-fil-a on Chick-fil-a Day, I shop at Hobby Lobby, I vote for what I believe in, my wife walked for Breast Cancer Awareness, I am for political activism or drawing attention to an illness or a charity that helps some particular cause, but we cannot forget that our number one focus, the most important cause that we are to stand for is the salvation of lost souls.

I do not know what the future holds for Calvary Baptist Church. Someday we may have ministries that help with people in every stage of life. I would love to see people in our building every single day having Bible studies, growing and edifying one another; I would love to see activity and excitement in our members. But the one thing that should never change is the understanding that soul winning takes the front seat in the operations of our church. As I have heard many wise men say in the past, “We need to keep the main thing the main thing, and the main thing is soul winning.”

I am so thankful for a dad who isn’t just a soul winner. He is much more than that. At a very young age, he taught me how important soul winning is. I sincerely believe that every soul that is saved through my ministry will be credited to my dad and mom in eternity, because without their influence and training I would not be a soul winner today. How about you? How important is soul winning to you? Think of what God could do through us if we all determined to place soul winning on our priority list where God wants it to be! Let’s all determine to be more passionate in our soul winning efforts.

Did you miss part one of this series? If so, here is a link to No Complaining About Nothin’! Check it out.

Also, for more information on my dad’s ministry, check out the website of Emmanuel Baptist Temple.

Lastly, if you live in Northeast Georgia, or are travelling through, check out the website of Calvary Baptist Church in Hartwell, GA. We would love to have you as a guest to our church!

Lessons That My Dad Taught Me- No Complaining About Nothin'

When I was thirteen years old, I had the opportunity to go on a missions trip to Nassau, Bahamas. My dad was the youth pastor of a large youth group and several of us went to hold a Bible school for the children who lived in Nassau. It was an incredible time! God worked in a great way, and I was able to see what it was like to live in poverty. This is off topic, but I believe that every teen needs to see what it is like to live in a third world country. It is easy to get spoiled living in the USA, but to be able to see the living conditions of those less fortunate and see that, despite what little they have, they are so much happier than we tend to be, is very convicting and is a great reality check. My dad was in charge of our group of teens and he put us through several meetings of training before we got there. In the first meeting that we all had, my dad went over a list of the rules for the missions trip. Rules like, no dating while on the missions trip, no color tv (we were allowed to talk about black and white shows, like the Andy Griffith show, I Love Lucy, and Three Stooges), dress code rules, things to not bring with us, and more. There was one rule in particular that has always stuck out to me. It was a rule that I learned did not just apply to the missions trip but to life in general. That rule was, as my dad humorously put it, “no complaining about nothin’!” (Note: For any Grammar Nazi’s reading this, the double negative was said on purpose in order to be funny. Please do not flood my comment section with grammar corrections.)

Why was this such an important rule for a missions trip? Since we were going down to the Bahamas to do a Bible school for the church, we were to serve them for the week. It would be selfish of us to go down there and then complain about how hot the weather was, how we didn’t like the food that was given to us, or the cleanliness of our sleeping arrangement. We were there to be a blessing and to serve, complaining was not compatible with the purpose for being down there.

As Christians, we are called to serve the Lord and to be a blessing wherever we go. Remember, we are ambassadors for Christ. Complaining is not compatible with our calling as Christians. Complaining is a very carnal thing to do, because the root of complaining is being unthankful. The Lord has done so much for us, why do we feel like we have the right to be unthankful? 

Sometimes when I am tempted to complain, I think about the people in the Bahamas. Many of them live in small cinder block houses that are no bigger than my living room. No air conditioning, many had no running water. Who am I to complain? 

Paul said it this way in 1st Timothy 6:8, “And having food and raiment let us be therewith content.” God has provided for our needs, there is no reason to complain.

When we went down to the Bahamas, we got to see many children accept Jesus Christ as their Saviour. God blessed our time there, and part of it was because we had a good spirit. That good spirit was present within our group because we came to do God’s work and to not complain while doing it. When we focus on serving the Lord, and having an excellent spirit while doing so, God will bless in a great way. That is why we need to have the rule, “No complaining about nothin’!”

If you haven't yet, be sure to check out Calvary Baptist Church's website at www.calvarybaptisthartwell.com.

Also, check out my dad's ministry at www.ebthagerstown.com.